Saturday, February 9, 2008

GLADSTONE HOTEL (1214 Queen St. W.)

THE CHAPFALLEN TRIO: Chris, Paul & Michelle

FOOD: 1+

ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: NO (sat & sun, 8am-4pm)

After swimming the night away in a pool of PBR (almost literally at some points), nothing seemed better the following morning than the idea of a big greasy breakfast. On this particular day, however, at the Gladstone Hotel, nothing could have been more disappointing. The Gladstone, located in Parkdale at the corner of Gladstone and Queen, is a unique urban hotel providing both travelers and Torontonians with a truly authentic experience of the local creative culture.
(...and a shitty breakfast.)

2 eggs
grilled peameal or strip bacon
baked beans
whole wheat toast


THE FOOD: Shockingly small, disgustingly dry, outrageousely bland and shamelessly half-assed. (Not to be too harsh.) I would honestly be embarrassed to serve this filth to that lady with the mustache down on Queen that always asks if you can "Spaaare a quaaarter?" all loud and drawn-out like and on more than one occasion has asked me if i've "Got a banaaanaaa?" (What???). The Nitty Gritty Breakfast = One slice of dry unbuttered toast, 2 slices of dry crumbly deep-fried bacon, a couple of burnt homefries, 2 slimy half-fried eggs & a dry brown paste that's supposedly beans. The only things that were even remotely appetizing were the coffee and the strawberry earning the food a 1; and the HP Sauce was kept chilled, gaining it the +.
Michelle Side-Note: Their dinner is good at least. Try the grilled cheese.

THE PRICE: Highway. Fucking. Robbery. Unreasonably overpriced and in the end, the worst bang for your buck (or 16 bucks for that matter) in the history of The Morning After. At more than $15 dollars each, it was a price I would expect from The Drake, maybe, but was both appalled and disappointed to see coming from the Gladstone.

THE SERVICE: Laggard, lazy, slothful, slow and sluggish. The service was honestly shit for lack of a better word. We waited a solid 10 minutes before we were approached for our drink order, after which our coffees took another 10 minutes to even arrive. As Paul stated, "Call me old fashioned, but I should really have a coffee by now". We had to ask multiple times for water. Agua?! We weren't approached at any point during the meal to see how things were; we couldn't even get the attention of the server for that matter and we weren't offered refills until well after we had finished eating. All in all, I wish I was more of an asshole (even though I was called one twice yesterday), seeing as a tip was left even though there was nothing done at at any point during our visit that came even close to being deserving of one. My opinion on the matter; if you're gonna work for tips, work for tips.

THE AMBIANCE: The ambiance alone was the only piece of the puzzle deserving of a rating higher than 1+. As anyone hip to the the scene knows, the Gladstone is a pretty decent place to spend an evening and the vibe, although noteably different, is equally as swell the following morning. The Gladstone offers up two very contrasting environments in which to (attempt to) enjoy your breakfast. To the left when entering is the Ballroom Café; a smaller, quaint little café with tall victorian windows and exposed brick walls. To the right of the entrance you'll find the Melody Bar; a larger, more open concept tavern of sorts (which we opted for) adorned with Alabaster lamps, a long wood bar and faux marble pillars. A relaxing bar, as Michelle stated, you feel like you're eating breakfast in small town Northern Ontario (minus the small town courtesy). 10' ceilings, "good ol' tavern chairs" and a wide variety of century old architectural attributes. We sat up on the stage (generally home to karaoke singers and local bands), which was hands down the best seat in the house and the only true complaint I had regarding the ambiance was that the music was just downright unpleasant (from Coldplay to The Village People).
Chris Side-Note: Their menus are well designed.
Michelle Side-Note: They misspelt Hollandaise.
Paul (completely unrelated) Side-Note: Check out Kitlers!

The Gladstone Hotel, although a prime location for live music, karaoke and a few too many pints is a far cry from a prime breakfast location. If you're in the area and get a hankerin' for some bacon and eggs, rather than wasting your time and money at the Gladstone, head directly across the street to Country Site Café (1181 Queen St. W.). Sure the place is a ghetto knock-off of Country Style, but their breakfast bagels are fucking spectacular and are around 1/5 the cost of the excrement in breaky's clothing they serve up at the Gladstone.

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