LAKEVIEW LUNCH (1132 Dundas St. W.)
THE WRECKING CREW: Chris, Paul & Lonero
ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: YES
FREE REFILLS: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
It goes like this. If I had to suggest two things for you to experience that would be so satisfying you'd undoubtedly feel the need to tell everybody and your facebook list; something I would bet both my cats and Tomas' TV (maybe just Tomas' TV) on; they would be as follows:
A) Double Tasking 101: Before a night of shittin' gettered, grab an ice cold 6-pack out the fridge (tall cans if you fancy yourself a beast) and jump in the shower. Not only will you tidy yourself up nicely for the ladies or lads, but it'll be the most refreshing pre-drink you've ever experienced.
Bonus: If you can polish 'em off before your toes wrinkle, +25 Stamina as everybody's favorite Rogue, Lonero might say. (Disclaimer: Shave or take care of anything particularly technical beforehand for obvious reasons.)
B) Grab breakfast at the very same place Rocco popped the two wannabe goodfellas and a bartender in The Boondock Saints. Lakeview Lunch, believe it or not, isn't on Beacon Hill; but rather at the corner of Dundas and Ossington in Toronto's colourful Portugal Village. Eat lunch there too. And grab a drink later on. And then breakfast again the next day.
Virginia Ham (.55)
Spicy Sausage ($1)
THE FOOD: Paul was initially hesitant when Lakeview's name came up seeing as he's had a not so badass breakfast experience there in the past. On this particular occasion however, it took him no more than two bites to withdraw any negative comments he may have been saving up. Everything on my plate was rad squared. I went with the egg bread. Duder called it something else that I can't quite recall at the moment. I'm not a fucking bread expert. The eggs were eggs; plain and simple, no squiggles, just eggs. The homefries were sliced like big fat potato chips and although I'm not a huge deep-fried potato fan, they just seemed to work. The bacon was the highlight; thickly sliced and including the leanest rasher I've ever seen in all my years of breakfast consumption. Seriously though, there wasn't even the faintest hint of fat. I'd never seen anything like it. Outside of the breakfast tip, Lonero and his "All Cock Diet" appropriately ordered the Mango Jerk Burger. He said it was scrumptious in a really questionable voice. (Probably not, but I can totally picture it.)
Paul Side-Note: The apple juice was way too tart and bordering on cider. (It needed sugar and water just to get it to a drinkable state.)
Chris Side-Note: Everybody had their own bottle of HP!
Chris Side-Note v2.0 I really wish I wouldn't have fucked up my camera phone settings and taken the photos at 220x176. The shitty shots don't do this grub justice.
THE PRICE: The price was $6.95. It came with coffee. I couldn't complain.
THE SERVICE: The service was top shelf. Dude was funny and on the ball until it was time for the bill, but everybody gets 1 get out of jail free card. We ordered up some waters and when they came around, Lonero and I each got a big fat pint whereas Paul was given a tiny little toddler glass. Needless to say, it was fucking hilarious. Paul: "Are you trying to punk me?!" Other than that, the guy was nothing less than helpful and humorous every step along the way. Word to his moms, he came and dropped...eggs, he had more jokes than a spiders got legs.
THE AMBIANCE: While half of the places littered across this fair city of ours are trying their damnedest to hit you in the nostalgia bone with their tawdry decors, booth seating and the like, Lakeview Lunch is clearly not one of them. I'm not saying it doesn't have all of that and then some. The difference here is it isn't going out of it's way to; it's just been that way for 60 years. Comfy leather booths, a lonnng-ass bar, Art Deco detailing and old Hollywood movie posters all add to the nostalgia factor that most places strive for without trying 1/61st as hard (Does that make sense?). The menu is jokes with it's istockphoto.com watermarked images and "gay pride banner" headers, but that would be my only vice. Shit. I'd redesign them for free if only to make the place that much better.
Lakeview Lunch, bought and restored in the mid-90's by Ken Sprackman of the Horseshoe Tavern fame (which didn't surprise me at all looking at the place) and under new management in recent years ignores all the fads that are quickly cluttering Toronto's breakfast world. A honest to goodness diner that sticks to what it knows which is sticking to your ribs. Ignore all the shit reviews you'll find on the internets; those guys are whiney bitches.