SKYLINE RESTAURANT
(1426 Queen St. W.)

THE HUNTING PARTY: Chris, Missy, Paul & Gira

RATINGS:
FOOD: 2+
PRICE: 2 (all day) / 3+ (special)
SERVICE: 2+
AMBIANCE: 4


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES (special until 11am)
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: YES
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: NO
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

What's in a name? Where I come from, a place with a name like Skyline Restaurant is generally accompanied by nothing less than, you guessed it, a beautiful skyline. As far as Toronto is concerned, however, this seems to be far from the case. The only view you'll find looking out from Skyline Restaurant is the beautiful Queen West strip of Parkdale, hobos wearing sombreros and all. Skyline Restaurant's name is almost as ironic as Lakeview Lunch (1132 Dundas St. W.); situated no less than 3 kms from anything even resembling a lake view. If anything, I'm thinking they should trade names. Lakeview Lunch at the very least has a view of the CN Tower and Skyline Restaurant makes you feel as though you're eating in the dining room of an old cruise ship. Then again, some people tell me I tend to be a tad too literal.

ALL DAY BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
bacon or ham
potatoes (mashed, boiled or french fries)
toast
$6.75+tx.

BREAKFAST SPECIAL: (until 11am)
2 eggs
bacon or ham
homefries
toast
coffee
$5.25+tx.


THE FOOD: At Skyline Restaurant, lunch + eggs = breakfast; or as Paul aptly put it "The eggs are the only ones keepin' it real." Eggs aside, breakfast consisted of a side of fries, two slices of toast, bacon, lettuce and tomato (*cough* BLT). All in all, Skyline's All Day Breakfast was nothing special and if anything I'd suggest hitting them up before 11, when they serve up something more closely resembling a traditional breakfast at a muuuch better price (seeing as coffee is included). On that note; refills are not free all day, yet there is a loophole! Only drink half a cup at a time before getting it topped off. It's only considered a refill if it's being filled bottom up. ;)
Gira 'The Sausage Hunter' Side-Note: The sausages taste like delicious!
Paul Side-Note: The eggs are doing that boogery shit!
Chris Side-Note: Squiggles!
Gira 'The Sausage Hunter' Side-Note v 2.0: Who do you work for lettuce?!!

THE PRICE: The all day price was pretty average; however lack of freefills and not having homefries as a potato option made the price seem a touch too hefty for what it was worth. Not really a place worth grabbing breakfast unless it's before 11; which in most of our cases sounds like a blasphemy on the weekend.

THE SERVICE: The service started on a much higher note than it ended. Our server seemed quick and courteous from the get-go; waters in hand before we sat down, asking if we wanted separate bills and the like. As breakfast progressed, however, I felt she seemed to develop a bit of an attitude and didn't come across as being nearly as nice as she did when we walked in the door.
Everybody Side-Note: CASH ONLY. All four of us took turns getting kicked in the balls (or baby makers) by the $2 ATM service charge at the store across the street.

THE AMBIANCE: The ambiance is, in all honesty, the only thing that would ever bring me back to this place for breakfast. The restaurant is laid out in "reverse mullet" fashion with a traditional diner in the front and fine dining in the back. Throughout, you get the feeling like you're eating in the dining room of an old cruise ship and if you sway back and forth the effect is enhanced tenfold (Disclaimer: people will look at you like you're a fuckin' nut-job). We opted for the large and enclosed, more private, two tabled booth in the middle of the restaurant which ended up encompassing the best of both worlds and was bar none the best seat in the house. Along with the booth came a plethora of toys (other than the colouring book and markers Missy carried around with her over the weekend). The toys included everything from Barbie and Predator to a tiny indian wielding a spear (who from what we could tell was after our bacon the little fucker).
The lighting was dim; the music was classical and the seats were some of the comfiest on which I've ever rested my loins. Hands down the best (and quite possibly the only) good thing about our visit.
Paul Side-Note: Everything was going great until the local miniature natives showed up!


Mimi's no longer exists. I hadn't been there in a couple of years. It closed like 4 months ago. Thanks for letting us know before we walked our asses over in the rain and kicked around crack pipes (literally) out front waiting for Paul to show up, only to have to go elsewhere. Elsewhere ended up being Skyline Restaurant. Skyline Restaurant is par at best. I miss Mimi. :(

GLADSTONE HOTEL (1214 Queen St. W.)
gladstonehotel.com

THE CHAPFALLEN TRIO: Chris, Paul & Michelle

RATINGS:
FOOD: 1+
PRICE: 1
SERVICE: 1+
AMBIANCE: 3+


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: NO (sat & sun, 8am-4pm)
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

After swimming the night away in a pool of PBR (almost literally at some points), nothing seemed better the following morning than the idea of a big greasy breakfast. On this particular day, however, at the Gladstone Hotel, nothing could have been more disappointing. The Gladstone, located in Parkdale at the corner of Gladstone and Queen, is a unique urban hotel providing both travelers and Torontonians with a truly authentic experience of the local creative culture.
(...and a shitty breakfast.)

NITTY GRITTY SHITTY SHITTY BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
grilled peameal or strip bacon
baked beans
homefries
whole wheat toast
$9.95+tx.

BREAKFAST & BRUNCH MENU


THE FOOD: Shockingly small, disgustingly dry, outrageousely bland and shamelessly half-assed. (Not to be too harsh.) I would honestly be embarrassed to serve this filth to that lady with the mustache down on Queen that always asks if you can "Spaaare a quaaarter?" all loud and drawn-out like and on more than one occasion has asked me if i've "Got a banaaanaaa?" (What???). The Nitty Gritty Breakfast = One slice of dry unbuttered toast, 2 slices of dry crumbly deep-fried bacon, a couple of burnt homefries, 2 slimy half-fried eggs & a dry brown paste that's supposedly beans. The only things that were even remotely appetizing were the coffee and the strawberry earning the food a 1; and the HP Sauce was kept chilled, gaining it the +.
Michelle Side-Note: Their dinner is good at least. Try the grilled cheese.

THE PRICE: Highway. Fucking. Robbery. Unreasonably overpriced and in the end, the worst bang for your buck (or 16 bucks for that matter) in the history of The Morning After. At more than $15 dollars each, it was a price I would expect from The Drake, maybe, but was both appalled and disappointed to see coming from the Gladstone.

THE SERVICE: Laggard, lazy, slothful, slow and sluggish. The service was honestly shit for lack of a better word. We waited a solid 10 minutes before we were approached for our drink order, after which our coffees took another 10 minutes to even arrive. As Paul stated, "Call me old fashioned, but I should really have a coffee by now". We had to ask multiple times for water. Agua?! We weren't approached at any point during the meal to see how things were; we couldn't even get the attention of the server for that matter and we weren't offered refills until well after we had finished eating. All in all, I wish I was more of an asshole (even though I was called one twice yesterday), seeing as a tip was left even though there was nothing done at at any point during our visit that came even close to being deserving of one. My opinion on the matter; if you're gonna work for tips, work for tips.

THE AMBIANCE: The ambiance alone was the only piece of the puzzle deserving of a rating higher than 1+. As anyone hip to the the scene knows, the Gladstone is a pretty decent place to spend an evening and the vibe, although noteably different, is equally as swell the following morning. The Gladstone offers up two very contrasting environments in which to (attempt to) enjoy your breakfast. To the left when entering is the Ballroom Café; a smaller, quaint little café with tall victorian windows and exposed brick walls. To the right of the entrance you'll find the Melody Bar; a larger, more open concept tavern of sorts (which we opted for) adorned with Alabaster lamps, a long wood bar and faux marble pillars. A relaxing bar, as Michelle stated, you feel like you're eating breakfast in small town Northern Ontario (minus the small town courtesy). 10' ceilings, "good ol' tavern chairs" and a wide variety of century old architectural attributes. We sat up on the stage (generally home to karaoke singers and local bands), which was hands down the best seat in the house and the only true complaint I had regarding the ambiance was that the music was just downright unpleasant (from Coldplay to The Village People).
Chris Side-Note: Their menus are well designed.
Michelle Side-Note: They misspelt Hollandaise.
Paul (completely unrelated) Side-Note: Check out Kitlers!

The Gladstone Hotel, although a prime location for live music, karaoke and a few too many pints is a far cry from a prime breakfast location. If you're in the area and get a hankerin' for some bacon and eggs, rather than wasting your time and money at the Gladstone, head directly across the street to Country Site Café (1181 Queen St. W.). Sure the place is a ghetto knock-off of Country Style, but their breakfast bagels are fucking spectacular and are around 1/5 the cost of the excrement in breaky's clothing they serve up at the Gladstone.

CORA'S BREAKFAST & LUNCH
(277 Wellington St. W.)
chezcora.com

THE ROCK N' ROLL PORNOGRAPHERS: Chris & Kevin

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3+
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 4
AMBIANCE: 1


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: YES
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

What do you do when your winter is well on it's way to becoming one of discontent, it's a wednesday afternoon with jack shit to do at work and the only sensible thoughts to cross your mind are in the form of bacon and eggs? Call up Kevin, roll on down to Cora's Breakfast & Lunch, steps from the corner of Wellington and Blue Jays Way and discuss dirty birds and sea turtles, how incredibly lame Tattoo Rock Parlour is, possible techniques for shooting the knees out of your jeans with a shotgun, the night of inevitable debauchery that lies ahead and how shitty the Blackberry Pearl's camera is. (Note the photos in question; however it may have been the sheer paleness of Kevin's skin that blinded the lens.)

BACON N' EGGS:
2 eggs
bacon or sausage
toast
hash browns
$5.65+tx.
Add:
sausage (1.50)


THE FOOD: Cora's food was better than five vicodin, a cold beer and a hot shower. I broke my strictly bacon and eggs rule this time around and opted for a few bangers. Good bacon. Good hashbrowns. Good marble rye. Shitty coffee. Good eggs. I'm out.
Kevin Side-Note: Their sausages suck. They're fuckin' soggy. Fuck.
Chris Side-Note: They have Molson Dry!

THE PRICE: I've written something quasi clever (or so I tell myself) for this exact same price range approximately 9 times over (approximately). Go read one of those. I'm not a fucking Z6000 Writing Robot programmed to expel witty quips at the push of a button. Jeez.

THE SERVICE: As the pop princess and ever articulate Avril Lavigne once said (aside from "I'm with a sk8er boi, I said see ya later boy"), "Fa fa fa, fast fast fast fast". Cora's service was not only that on this particular day, but the server was on the ball from sitting down to settling up. Quick with the drinks. Quick with the grub. Quick with the refills. All with a smile. Word to his moms.

THE AMBIANCE: Vomiting (also called throwing up or emesis) is the forceful expulsion of the contents of one's stomach through the mouth and sometimes the nose. Vomiting may result from many causes, ranging from gastritis or poisoning to elevated intracranial pressure or Cora's interior decor. A mishmash of what I'd call country kitchen, daycare and french design (the Québécois kind...not the good kind). Cora's is far from easy on the eyes or très tocard as they might say in it's city of origin.
Kevin Side-Note: It's alot nicer in the summer when the garage doors open.

Seeing as the francophone population aren't particularly known for their design sense as much as they are their taste in food, it's not hard to believe this place originated in La Belle Province. However being a wretched eyesore, the food and service amply make up for the fact that you'll want to gouge your eyes out with your stirring spoon. My advice; wait till the summer, sit on the patio and cut out the interior decor completely.

MITZI'S SISTER (1554 Queen St. W.)
mitzissister.com

THE UPPER CRUST: Chris, Tomas, Adam & Amelie

RATINGS:
FOOD: 4
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 2
AMBIANCE: 3+


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: YES
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

Mitzi's Sister is just that; her younger, hipper, significantly more social sister. Don't be confused though. She's the kind of girl who knows more about her dad's generation of music than he does, and unlike Mitzi, who's sitting at home sipping on lemon grass tea and listening to old 45's (not that there's anything wrong with that), sis still hasn't lost the novelty of loud music and partying until the wee hours of the morning. Mitzi herself is the kind of girl you'd take home to mom, whereas, Mitzi's Sister is ace in the sack. It all comes down to what you're looking for. And if you do decide you'd rather the freak than the frump, you'll find her in Parkdale, on Queen West, somewhere between Lansdowne and Roncesvalles.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
sourdough toast
homefries
bacon
fruit
$6.95+tx.


THE FOOD: Undeniably the highlight of our visit. The rule to ordering at Mitzi's Sister: Just cause it's not on the brunch menu, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. The portions were nothing to die for (and sparse even in comparison to Mitzi's Café), but the quality of the meal superseded our expectations just as it did at the café. With only one slice of sourdough toast (not nearly enough) and only 2 slices of bacon (?!) a point may have been lost, but was quickly made back by the potatoes alone.
Everyone Side-Note: Don't dump the Matouk's scotch bonnet hot sauce on your plate like you might Frank's. However tasty, it's a 7.5/10 on the make you fuckin' sweat scale.

THE PRICE: Seeing as the price and the fare were pretty much identical between sisters, I won't waste my time writing the same thing over and will simply quote Mitzi's Café review; "The price was pretty standard, could have a been a buck or two cheaper, but nothing to write slam poetry over."
Ps- On the topic of slam poetry, Saul Williams just dropped a new album; The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust! This shit is fucking grimey! Produced by Trent Reznor, Niggy Tardust is laden with punk and industrial undercurrents, infused with poetic hip-hop genius and a far cry from the Rick Ruben produced Saul of the past. Go download it already.

THE SERVICE: Our server, although friendly (gaining her the bulk of her rating), definitely could have stepped up her game a notch and didn't quite meet any of our expectations (which aren't generally set too high as you may have noticed). The coffee (and food for that matter) took forever and a day, the people who arrived after us got their grub well before we did and my knife didn't appear to have even been washed.
"Ewww. It looks like there's mayo on it."- Amelie

THE AMBIANCE: Mitzi's Sister appears to be a bar by definition and a breakfast joint by default whether that's the case or not. Like Aris and Musa before it, it is very dimly lit and as hangover friendly as they come. With an odd mix of Queen West hipsters, young urban couples (there were no less than 4 strollers in the place) and a family or two, Mitzi's Sister draws in quite an eclectic weekend brunch crowd. The patio in the summer is pretty key and other notabilities are the cliché mash of mix-matched mugs (try and say that five times fast), foot-long teaspoons and walls adorned à la uninspired art gallery, or as Tomas put it, "There's some nice shitty art in this place."

As the famous author Anonymous once said, "Sisters are different flowers from the same garden." This could not be more true than with Mitzi's Café & Mitzi's Sister. Where the café has cieling-high windows and bright natural lighting, the sis has low wattage pendant lights hanging from the ceiling; and where the café has a cook manning a griddle in an open kitchen, the sis has a bartender manning a bottle in a fully licensed bar. Ultimately it comes down to the food to really show you the extent to which they're related. Whether you're an early riser looking for a sunny morning coffee or a hungover waste-case in need of a dimly lit caesar, the standard of eats is the same across the board. Go grab a root; there's a Mitzi's for either mood.

MAGGI'S (400 College St.)

WE THREE KINGS: Chris, Aaron & Austin

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3+
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 4
AMBIANCE: 3


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: YES
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

35 simple steps to having a sluggish but all together not too shabby thursday like this guy:

(*me pointing at myself with my thumbs all awesome like)

1) Jump in the shower
2) Throw on the standard flannel+hoody+jeans combo
3) Grab a coffee at Big Bee
4) Smoke a cigarette
5) Catch a ride to work
6) Pour yourself a coffee
7) Put on some Every Time I Die
8) Check your email / facebook
9) Look for work to do to no avail
10) Watch Tom Waits interviews on YouTube in chronological order beginning in 1977
11) Pour yourself another coffee
12) Smoke another cigarette
13) Ask people for something to do to no avail
14) Check your email / facebook again
15) Tweak out a new profile photo using an unfinished sketch of yourself
16) Eat breakfast at Maggi's
17) Grab the new Now mag
18) Listen to some Dropkick Murphys
19) Pour yourself another coffee
20) Go over some typesetting for Aaron
21) Go for a cigarette and end up with Michele, Andre, James and a D-SLR
22) Photograph everything other than what you set out to
23) Take a pee
24) Check your email / facebook again
25) Retouch one of the photos taken earlier for Michele
26) Email directions to your place from the 400 for your brother
27) Meet Sarah downstairs
28) Hit up the LCBO
29) Drink some beers at Kevin's
30) Get offered a decent paying freelance gig
31) Accept a decent paying freelance gig
32) Go to the Protest the Hero listening party
33) Get right knackered on $6 Buds
34) Head to Sneaky Dee's for a King's Crown and Mo Drizzies
35) Somehow find your way home and crawl your drunk ass into bed

What the fuck am I getting at? Nothing really, aside from quenching the instinctually voyeuristic appetite of the human psyche and stating #16 in a creative, yet extremely pointless and drawn-out manner. Walk into any shop along College between Spadina and Bathurst and you've got a 50/50 chance of finding either breakfast or computers. At Maggi's you'll find breakfast.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
3 eggs
bacon, ham or sausage
multigrain or white toast
garlic fries
$6.95+tx.


THE FOOD: Just like our "Tree dem Mo Drizzies!" at Sneak's later in the night, the eggs at Maggi's come in threes. (I ended up with 4 though, but that's completely beside the point.) Actually, I don't really have a point. The food was good. That's a point. This one time, myself and some buddies from Spanish were heading into Sudbury for ride night and so as not to lose one another, Steve, in all his french glory asked us if we should have a "meet point". Then I told him "I've got a meat point." and he asked where it was... lol.

THE PRICE: $6.95. The same price as Kos but with tastier food. The same price as Mitzi's, but not quite as flavourful. The same price as Bloor Jane but coffee's not included. The same price as Caddy but with no kick arse patio.

THE SERVICE: Any dude that brings me coffee and links me up with not only a pen, but a notepad and a smile is pretty much the coolest dude in the history of ever. Were it a pretty lady, a 4+ may have been in order.

THE AMBIANCE: The Hollaback Nickelback playlist aside, Maggi's is pretty okay. The puke...i mean peach coloured walls may not be the easiest on the eyes, but if you get there at just the right time , with just the right sky, you get a window full of balmy pleasure. As far as the remainder of the place goes, it's a touch run-down, but all it really needs is a fresh coat of paint and a dash of awesomer.

With a fittingly disheveled demeanor, walls littered with art and a medley of assorted cushions, Maggi's fits right into the Yasi's / Mitzi's mold without even mentioning the pattern in names. Maggi's edge; it's location could not be any better and recieves ten times the traffic as it's side-street sisters. It's foible; they don't put quite the same effort or welcome experimentation into their grub as their character laden counterparts, sticking to a pretty conservative (however savory) breakfast fare. All-in-all, Maggi's is worth checking out if you're in the area for reasons other than RAM; because Aunties and Uncles aside, it's better than alot of the joints on the block.

KOS RESTAURANT (61 Bellevue Ave.)

THE DYNAMIC DUO: Chris & Rocio

RATINGS:
FOOD: 2+
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 4+
AMBIANCE: 3


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: YES
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

Today is sunday. I'm 95% positive I woke up in The Twilight Zone. I was wide awake at 9:30. I was not hungover as per usual. I did not have morning wood. I was in the mood to clean the house and I'm now watching The Nanny Diaries, which I didn't even attempt to contest. Fucked eh; breakfast was probably the only routine thing to come of my day. On that note, Rocio and I hit up a decent (however strikingly conformist) little spot called Kos Restaurant; located bang on the corner of Bellevue and Nassau (formerly the Bellevue Diner) in the heart of Kensington Market. But anyways...I'm starting to catch some dirty looks for typing during The Nanny Diaries (god forbid). I'm gonna go now...

EGGSPRESS:
3 eggs
bacon, real ham or hot italian sausage
toast
hash browns
$6.95+tx.


THE FOOD: Not the best breakfast in the market, but definitely not the worst. Proving that presentation isn't everything, the only stand-out items on my plate were the hash browns with their surroundings coming across as (and tasting) fairly orthodox. Fruit is always a nice touch, however, Rocio mowed down my pineapple and didn't seem particularly impressed.
Rocio: "That pineapple tasted like garbage...from the dumpster!"

THE PRICE: At $6.95 before tax and with coffee running extra, Kos is not a place for the penny-pincher. It's far from over-priced, but after the tip, you'd be hard pressed to keep it under a sawbuck.

THE SERVICE: Fecking impeccable. Our server was one of the best I've had in a while. Before I was seated, my drink order was taken and the courtesy kept coming until we walked out the door. A fucking +.

THE AMBIANCE: Kos lacks character in comparison to its variety of immediate neighbors and is far from the second-hand chic I was expecting when Rocio suggested a Kensington Market breakfast. Divided into two sections, you've got the choice of either a more dimly lit, crimson coloured bar side (where I would have rather been seated and which my have upped the ambiance rating a + or two) or a brighter, more naturally lit pastel yellow diner side (in which we sat). Kos, however comfy, rubs me as just another one of the herd, so don't go in expecting the Kensington vibe just because of the location.

Not to be mistaken with K-os, Toronto's pretentiously melodramatic emcee, Kos Restaurant is much more humble (which doesn't take much). Formerly of College & Bathurst, Kos is a place I'd return to if only for the service. If you're in the area, however, and aren't much for the generic new breed of restaurant renovations, there are many more squality (yes, I made up a word and yes it's a combination of squalid and quality) joints to more suitably satisfy your Kensington experience. Pop your head in the door; If it's not your bag, you're nothing but a hop skip and a jump from Last Temptation or one of the markets many other comfortably scuzzy breakfast alternatives.

AVENUE OPEN KITCHEN
(7 Camden Ave.)

THE HE-MAN WOMEN HATERS CLUB: Chris, Tomas & Paul

RATINGS:
FOOD: 4
PRICE: 4
SERVICE: 4
AMBIANCE: 4


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

...so then l was like, "Ughhh. Breakfast." and then Paul was like, "Mmm. Breakfast." and then I was like, "Where to?" and then Paul was like, "Lets check out that deli place I was telling you about." and then I was like, "Where's it at? and then Paul was like, "Around Spadina and Adelaide." and I was like, "What's it called?" and then Paul was like, "I dunno...it's named after the street or some shit." and then I was like, "I'm down."
And that's the story of how we ended up at Avenue Open Kitchen, located a few doors west of Spadina on the south side of Camden Street. Word.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
3 eggs
bacon
toast
hash browns
$5.75+tx. ($4.40 from 6-11 am)


THE FOOD: The f'in food! Avenue dished out more than I could have expected. 6 streaky rashers a piece (thats limey lingo for bacon), Tomas ending up with 7! The potatoes were gold. The eggs were tasty, however, not up to Rocio's standards (too squiggly). Everything taken into account, the breakfast was solid and well deserving of praise.
Tomas: "I like this bacon cause I keep eating it and it's not finishing."
Paul: "It's magic bacon!"

THE PRICE: Too the blind eye, the price may seem like nothing special, however, taking into consideration the quality and price to grub ratio, it was phenomenal. Also, if you're unlike myself and find yourself out and about downtown between the hours of 6 and 11, you can knock $1.55 off your tally.
Ps- Whether you're getting bacon and eggs, french toast or a western omelette, all the breakfasts are equally priced.

THE SERVICE: Not a complaint. I had a water and a coffee in front of me virtually as soon as I sat down which is pretty much all a not too picky hungover chap like myself could ask for. Breaky was served up prompt and refills needed no requisition.

THE AMBIANCE: What is it with places called Avenue? Just as the Avenue Diner before it, Avenue Open Kitchen is a classic diner through and through. You'd almost expect to find this place down the street from the post office in Millbrook, Indiana. The place has custom labeled (on the back of a bill slip at that) squeeze bottles of HP and an aesthetic straight out of A History of Violence, sans ruthless killer attempting to off the waitress.

Johnny Bower endorsed and a solid 4 across the boards, this place is so good I'll bet you a thousand million dollars (Paul: "Incase you didn't know, that's a billion.") that Avenue Open Kitchen will find it's way into your top 5 list of Toronto breakfast joints. For serious.

ARIS PLACE (229 Roncesvalles Ave.)

THE SHIT SHOW: Chris, Tomas, Paul & Adam

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3+
PRICE: 4
SERVICE: 4
AMBIANCE: 4+


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

After the two weeks of hell-bent overindulgence that was the Christmas holidays (Special thanks go out to Bill, Adam & Amelie, Taylor & Vicky, Tam-Tam, Lionel and fam, The Olson sisters, Tiff, DD and all others that joined in the debauchery), a proper Toronto get-together and a proper Toronto breakfast was most definitely in order; A) Because friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life and B) Because there's no such thing as all-day breakfast in Blind River (who the fuck gets up before 11 during the holidays?!). With the little bro in town for the weekend, and for the first review of two thousand and great, we figured we'd take a ride down Roncesvalles and stop at the first place that caught our eye. Here we found Aris Place; just south of High Park Boulevard with "All Day Breakfast" prominently displayed in the window, the choice was evident.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
3 eggs
bacon
buttered toast
potatoes
$4.95+tx.


THE FOOD: Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon (damn skippy we got four pieces!). The bacon was some of the best I've had and the tomato was a welcome addition, however as Adam stated, the hash browns were "toopotatoey". All in all, the tasty meter hit a solid 3+ and the verdict was unanimous.

THE PRICE: $4.95 + $1 for coffee! Shit, bring a date! Buy her two, who cares! She'll think you're ballin'! Slap in a side-order of smooth and you're guaranteed to make it to second base!

THE SERVICE: Loads of personalitay. Whenever our waitress came around she gave us all individual play-by-plays; "Toast, toast, toast..." and when we asked for more water she rolled by with a jug and said "The waterrrrr" in a funny voice. Nuff said.

THE AMBIANCE: If I had to say one attribute stood out while the others didn't quite add up to the same extent (reminiscent of our run-in with "cleavage girl" in Hero Burger later in the night), the ambience definitely took the cake. The lighting...OMFG the lighting. Adorned with low-wattage outdoor wall sconces it was hands down the best lighting of any place we've ever reviewed in this beautiful blog of ours. PERFECT lighting one might say. The interior of the place was à la cozy ski chalet with added elements of awesome. Wood accented walls and ceilings, faux leather table tops, deer antlers (or as Paul put it, "just enough death on the walls") and various captivating pictures including a '93 World Series poster starring none other than Joe Carter & Roberto Alomar.

To sum it all up, Pauly couldn't have put it any better...
"I don't know if this is the bacon talking, but it's nice in here. I like it.

MIZTZI'S CAFÉ (100 Sorauren Ave.)
mitzissister.com

THE ARBITERS: Chris, Tomas, Rocio & Renata

RATINGS:
FOOD: 4+
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 3
AMBIANCE: 3


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: NO (fucking amazing habanero hotsauce though!)
PATIO: YES
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

Located in the heart of Parkdale at the quiet residential intersection of Sorauren and Pearson (just a few blocks north of Queen West), you can find the ever so campy Mitzi's Café. Not to be confused with Mitzi's Sister only a few blocks away, this is the original establishment that spawned it's ever so popular counterpart. This is where it all began, so it only seemed fair for us to start here.

MITZI'S BREAKFAST SPECIAL:
2 eggs
toast
homefries
fruit
choice of:
- bacon
- sauteed tomatoes
- fishcakes
$6.95+tx.


THE FOOD: The food was schimply schpectacular. Instead of two eggs, I recieved a cute little family; the bread was sourdough; and between the bacon and the homefries, I couldn't decide what made me want to cream in my...coffee...more. A solid 4+.

THE PRICE: The price was pretty standard, could have a been a buck or two cheaper, but nothing to write slam poetry over.

THE SERVICE: No great shakes. The service, like the price, was run-of-the-mill and nothing seemed to stand out.

THE AMBIANCE: It reminded me of Yasi's Place sans (as much) character. Art is displayed on the walls in the same ceiling-hung fashion; formica tables are as far as the eye can see; and you'll find more mix-matched mugs than Value Village, of which Tomas had the choicest one in the place. A pink and cyan cartesian grid adorned with butterflies and a watering can sprouting flowers. As Tomas said, "Dude, this us the best mug i've ever had...I think the coffee even tastes better out of it." The temp was a little too toasty for my taste, but all in all, the place was retro and homey and a nice spot to check out on a much needed monday off.
Rocio Side-Note: The cook was wearing a train conductor's hat!

Easy Restaurant was our original destination when leaving home on this chilly monday morning and if it weren't for a navigational flaw on Tomas' part, Mitzi's wouldn't have even crossed our path. The fact that it did however was one of the best mistakes we could have made. My advice, Go make a mistake; you probably won't regret it. (Unless it's getting knocked up...that'd probably suck.)

MUSA (847 Dundas St. W.)

THE CAROUSERS: Chris, Tomas, Sarah, Nikki, Rocio & Kevin
(with surprise guest Stefan Wegner)

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3+
PRICE: 3
SERVICE: 4+
AMBIANCE: 3


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES (with a wide variety of caesars!)
HP SAUCE: NO
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

Musa. To the Lithuanians, it's a river; to the Arabs, Moses; and to Torontians, it seems to refer to a damn tasty breakfast. About half way between Trinity-Bellwoods Park and Bathurst on Dundas West you'll find this afoot little eatery. Rocio name dropped this place one too many times, so I figured (if only to make her smile), I'd give it a go and I'm really quite happy I did.

CLASSIC BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
bacon or sausage
cajun or rosemary roast potatoes
toast
$5.95+tx.


THE FOOD: "Toilet water" and weak coffee aside, Musa from what I recall far surpased my expectations. I wish I had been sobered up for the experience, seeing as my recollection of the entire affair is minimal. Some highlights in a few words (taken directly from my notes) include:
∙ spicy chili butter stuff
∙ grapes cut in half
∙ steamed milk
∙ fruittttttt
Rocio Side-Note: The Salmon Rocket is sick.
Tomas Side-Note: Benny= 4+
Kevin Side-Note: Penis is nice.

THE PRICE: The price, the price, the price was nice. I settled in cash, no mechanical device. I didn't think twice. The bill was precise. No need to squeeze it out of me with a bench-mounted vise. Out came my wallet, a storage device. Limited funds but they seemed to suffice.

THE SERVICE: The service was amiably amicable, approachably benevolent, courteously cordial, graciously obliging and harmoniously polite. (That means really fucking good.)
Ps- I'd like to formally apologize to the little dude I heckled. When I asked if there was "...grinds in the coffee or just brown and water?!" it was just my little way of saying it could be stronger next time.

THE AMBIANCE: From the wallpaper-like extior paint job to the comfy booths, I was feeling it. If it weren't for the fact that the place was -15°, it would have been a very pleasent overall experience. The lighting was mint (as seen in the breakfast shot) and very hangover friendly. Bout all I recall.
Sarah Side-Note: There were pretty pictures on the wall. Part of me wants to say there was an elephant, but I don't think that's true.

Musa musa mo musa, banana fana fo fusa, me my mo musa...MUSA. (Check it out.)

IN 'ER SINCE 1944!

The infamous Av and Dav signage in all its selectively cropped glory.


Peace in the middle crease.

RED ROOM (444 Spadina Ave.)

THE CO-CONSPIRATORS: Chris, Pam & Shanghoon

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3+
PRICE: 4+
SERVICE: 2+
AMBIANCE: 4


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: YES
HP SAUCE: YES (but not on this day in particular)
PATIO: YES
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

So a photographer, a rep and an art director walk into a bar...
At the corner of College & Spadina, on the northern border of Chinatown and no more than a block away from my office is the wonderfully dingy Red Room. One of the most well known barstaurants in the area, Red Room doesn't often fail in delivering cheap eats and an inviting atmosphere.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
bacon or sausage
homefries
salad
toast
$3.75+tx.


THE FOOD: I was pleasently surprised, seeing as this was my first Red Room breakfast and taking into consideration how hit or miss they are as far as food quality goes (the soups and sandwiches are mintacular whereas much else on the menu is nothing to write home about). The ratios were a little askew. I got four pieces of bacon and yet only a single slice of toast which was pretty hard to distribute amongst two eggs. I fucking hate when the toast to egg ratio isn't even. Grrr...
Shanghoon Side-Note: The pancakes didn't have enough egg in the mix.
Pam Side-Note: The sausages are tasty yet predictable.

THE PRICE: A 5 were they a touch more attainable. Also, the fact that it was on Westside's tab didn't hurt in the slightest.

THE SERVICE: Nothing special. Forgetful to say the least. Took forever with the coffee rifills. The only real plus was water without asking.

THE AMBIANCE: It's Red Room. I've only ever met one person ever (who I soon after disowned) that didn't feel comfortable under the faint glow of the sporadic christmas lights and surrounded by the interesting mix of original artwork (chickens getting nasty and all).

Red Room is one of those places you could hit up for a mid-day business breakfast, head with 15 odd friends to get knackered or swing by on a thursday for a quiet soup and sandwich over the new Now. Either way, check it out if you haven't already and tell those who say otherwise to shove it up their wazoo.

AVENUE DINER (222 Davenport Rd.)

THE GUILTY PARTY: Chris, Tomas & Sarah

RATINGS:
FOOD: 4
PRICE: 2
SERVICE: 4+
AMBIANCE: 4+


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: YES
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

Heema and Paul threw a shit-show of a birthday bash on friday and we all hit up Frans on College (which I was too lazy/hungover/still drunk to review but will get around to in the future) the following morning. On our way there to meet everyone, Tomas, Sarah and myself drove past the Avenue Diner, which we had never noticed prior, and said, "Tomorrow?" Guess what? It's tomorrow. On the corner of Davenport and Avenue stands what I would hazard to call the last true diner in this fair city of ours and one that's stood it's ground since 1944. This gorgeous piece of history, phallic signage and all, ranks near if not at the top of my list of any place I've ever set foot in with breakfast on my mind.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
bacon, ham or sausage
homefries
toast
$7.25+tx.


THE FOOD: When I received my grub, I was surprised by the meager portions in front of me, but once my fork hit my mouth I was swept away to a land of quality over quantity. As Merrill Howard Kalin might say, "It's soooooo goood!" The bacon was on the same level as New York Café and everything else came in not far behind.
Tomas Side-Note: I like finding pieces of bacon in my potatoes. (or "hash browns", the direct quote is still under debate.)

THE PRICE: The only downfall to the entire place (next to the lack of a vintage coke machine as Tomas believed) was the price. A cher $13 in the end for the amount of food you get, but one that didn't take any convincing to justify considering the fact that everything else was nothing short of perfect.

THE SERVICE: All I could say the entire time was how much I wanted to take "grandma" home so she could fix me sandwiches and make me feel like a big boy.

THE AMBIANCE: As stated before, this is a true diner if I have ever seen one. From "grandma" yelling the orders from your table to Igor in the kitchen, to...everything really. If Norman Rockwell didn't die 30 years ago, he'd totally eat here. And then paint the place. And then eat here some more.

This joint is gold. Pure fucking gold.

BLOOR-JANE RESTAURANT
(2434 Bloor St. W.)

THE CREW: Chris, Tomas & Janek

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3+
PRICE: 3+
SERVICE: 4
AMBIANCE: 4


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: YES
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: YES (and Heinz 57 for the haters)
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

Bloor West Village. Breeding ground to some of the chillest dudes I know and home of a grimey little greasy spoon I think equally as highly of. A few steps east of Jane St. on Bloor you'll find the aptly named Bloor Jane Restaurant. From the not so upkept exterior, one might not think twice about walking on by, but for those that decide otherwise, a world of awesome...awesomeness resides.

BREAKFAST SPECIAL:
2 eggs
bacon, ham or sausage
homefries
toast
coffee
$7.00 (no tax)


THE FOOD: Pretty, pretty, pretttty good. (I honesty don't know what more to say.)

THE PRICE: Like the food, the price was decent. At a tax free $7, and from what I recall, eight and change in total, one might deserve a bitch-slap for complaining.

THE SERVICE: Lets put it this way.
You order. You then turn to the person beside you and ask them to pass what you believe to be a (conveniently) idle issue of Now Magazine lying on the counter beside them. They reply, "Actually, it's an Eye Weekly." "Oh. Never mind." you say as you turn back around on your stool. You then realize that your breakfast is already in front of you!
The End.
Over and above this fictional, yet illustrative story of speed and agility, the staff made me feel at home. Behind the grizzly appearances of the cooks and the heavy accents of the waitresses are a group of people that function like clockwork and who you get the feeling have been doing this for a while.

THE AMBIANCE: Open kitchen. booths n' stools. A Playboy sticker on the stove hood. A true greasy spoon if I've ever seen one.

Although a little out of the way for most, Bloor-Jane Restaurant is well worth the trek. It's a seemingly divey hole-in-the-wall that has the ability to do nothing short of change one's entire philosophy on life. (Maybe not, but their breakfast is crack)

THE GEORGE STREET DINER
(129 George St.)

THE 'MAD MEN': Chris, Mike D & Dan

RATINGS:
FOOD: 2
PRICE: 2
SERVICE: 3+
AMBIANCE: 4+


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: YES (for the most part)
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: YES (and an unopened bottle at that)
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: YES
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

Once upon a time, back to the days of yore (2004-2006), this pearl of a 50's-style diner, just up the street from the St. Lawrence Market, was so close to my apartment building I would often wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and frying bacon. Things were much simpler then and although times have changed considerably, The George Street Diner remains, on the corner of Richmond and George, as inviting as ever.

CANADIAN BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
strip bacon
baked beans
homefries
toast
$7.25+tx.


THE FOOD: Pretty blah, all things considered. Not to say that they're food isn't generally tasty (their breakfast sandwiches kept me lubed for two years), but today's 'Canadian Breakfast' (although recieving an A for presentation) seemed boring and rushed. Everything short of the toast was underdone leaving me with slimey eggs and bacon that let out an oink with the first bite. My advice: Give something other than the standard breakfast a try.
Mike D Side-Note: Bomb chocolate/strawberry milkshake.

THE PRICE: Far from a selling point. Unimpressive quantity→price ratio. With tip, I shelled out $12 and was less than satisfied with the preparation of my grub.

THE SERVICE: The service was great as always. Coffee and water before we could take off our jackets and our meals were on the table in less than 10 minutes of us walking through the door (may explain the virgin preparation). Plus the lady at the cash, however twitchy, danced away to Lead Belly while ringing through our seperate bills.

THE AMBIANCE: Don't let the food rating scare you, I couldn't have asked for a more pleasent environment to wallow in crapulence after the night of trouble ("Come on guys, there's bars and pubs for that kind of thing") cooked-up with Dan and Donaghey that preceeded.

∙ Genuine character: ✓
∙ Very decent MP3 playlist: ✓
∙ Good lighting: ✓
∙ Adjustable blinds: ✓
∙ A 40 year-old virgin with a Motorhead t-shirt bussing tables: ✓

My only vice would be the tight booths. I don't know if people were much smaller in the 50's, but I like to kick back before breakfast, and at The George, that can be kind of hard to do.

However hit or miss, if you're in the neighborhood and decided the night before you were going to kill a mickey of C.C. in the theatre over Lars and The Real Girl then follow it up with a night of excess, this place will settle your stomach while being easy on the eyes at the same time. Check it out if only for the atmosphere.

AUNTIES AND UNCLES (74 Lippincott St.)

THE ENSEMBLE CAST: Chris, Tomas, Paul, Gira & Amy

RATINGS:
FOOD: 4
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 3+
AMBIANCE: 4


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: NO
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: NO (but there was homemade ketchup and hot sauce)
PATIO: YES
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: YES

In the heart of the Breakfast District (or so I like to call it), one can find a great little place called Aunties and Uncles. Aunties and Uncles is located just off the corner of College & Lippincott, a half-way point between Kensington Market and Little Italy, and on the same city block as Sneaky Dee's, Mars, Maggie's, Pickadilly's, etc. (See a trend?) What makes Aunties and Uncles stand out in this breakfast congested area? It's fucking better than the rest of them.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
including any 3 of the following:
- toast
- bagel
- potatoes
- fruit
- cottage cheese
- greens
- bacon
- ham
- peameal
$7.75+tx.


THE FOOD: The food was cash. The standard breakfast was listed as coming with "scrambled" eggs, however, there was no problem in making a substitution for the foolproof sunnies. What makes Aunties and Uncles breakfast is their creative alternative to your traditional homefries. The eats, a cold dill and dijon potato salad is a welcome change and will leave you feeling satisfied without leaving you feeling guilty.

THE PRICE: The price was pretty boilerplate and easily understandable. An Old MacDonald plus tip was all I really needed to satisfy my got rot from the previous night's indulgences.

THE SERVICE: The service was flexible and substitutions were more than welcome. Our server was cute and affable and I have never received a breakfast in such a short period of time. The dude that was serving and seating seemed like he couldn't give a fuck to be there, but he didn't serve us, so my experience was more than pleasant.

THE AMBIANCE: Sitting on the patio, one will notice quite the abundance of indie kids and hipsters alike, but what can you expect with the kitschy design, retro kitchen furniture, age old formica tables and issues of music mags from the early 90's strewn about. However, it is the patio that seals the deal here. It's fairly roomy and equipped with 6 large picnic tables and covered by an awning, which although you can't smoke under, lets you enjoy your breakfast outdoors, rain or shine. The only downfall to this patio on a warm summers day however...scenester dudes in cut off jean shorts so scant you'll wanna poke your eyes out.

Aunties and Uncles is a place I would head back to in a heartbeat. Every aspect of our visit was above par. On top of that, I work two blocks away, which means I think I may have just found my new regular weekday joint.

GAYLEY'S CAFÉ (1424 Dundas St. W.)

THE BREAKWAY PARTY: Chris, Tomas, Heema, Paul & Gira

RATINGS:
FOOD: 3
PRICE: 2+
SERVICE: 2+
AMBIANCE: 3


ALL-DAY BREAKFAST: YES
COFFEE/ESPRESSO BAR: YES
COFFEE INCLUDED: NO
FREE REFILLS: YES
LICENSED: NO
HP SAUCE: YES (not to mention calypso sauce)
PATIO: NO
BOOTHS: NO
OPEN-KITCHEN: NO

Gayley's Café. lol. Sorry. Anyways. Gayley's is a café. Gayley's serves breakfast. Gayley's is near Paul's. Gayley's is fun to say. Gayley's is not so strategically placed next to the more than recognizable Sunset Grill located a block or so east of Dundas & Dufferin. Gayley's is better than Sunset Grill, not that that says much of anything. (Did I mention I fucking hate Sunset Grill?) It's been a month since we visited Gayley's, then I got a new job which consumes the bulk of my creativity, leaving me feeling drained when I get the free time to hop online...oh, and I lost my notes. Bear with me.

STANDARD BREAKFAST:
2 eggs
bacon or sausage
homefries
toast
$5.95+tx.
Sub:
peameal ($1)


THE FOOD: From what I can recall, the food was pretty orthodox. The standard breakfast was exactly that, predictable and boring, but far from unappetizing.

THE PRICE: The price was standard. I found it to be a little much for what I recieved and found it sadly like the food, nothing special.

THE SERVICE: The service was the weakest aspect of the whole Gayley's experience. We showed up around 7:30 (yes, in the AM), ordered promptly, but by the time our food arrived, i would have been just as happy waking up an hour later and going next door to Sunset Grill (which I fucking hate) and getting fed in the same timeframe. Nobody was at all impressed. The service was courteous for the most part but aside from that, nothing to be desired when your beer filled tummy is rumbling for grease.

THE AMBIANCE: The interior was nicely designed from what I can recall. It was little brightly hued for my liking, however, if my mind serves me right, I remember liking the exposed brick walls. There was a Now Magazine rack near the door. I like reading Now while I wait for breakfast. I still don't think I'd bother going back.

Gayleys. lol.